Rewind Mode

I find it sort of weird.

I'm logged into Orkut for past three hours and not a single scrap has strayed by my scrapbook. Not that it's bad. I got a chance to go through scores of profiles, realise how inane people can be, balked at stoopid pictures, posted on my blog, made a new profile and yes, read a few blogs.

So, what's weird?!

I went through two blogs all this while. One by Lady Tamta. I was surprised! The kick-ass lady has something to write that could be loosely associated with sentiments. I don't intend to say that she's cold but let me be frank, I was quite startled to read her "emotions".
The second one was by my old and really good friend Ayan's [no prejudice against Ayan, he writes fabulous!] brother Abhishek's blog. Boy! What marvellous writing skills! He expresses the routine day-to-day occurrences in a very interesting and beholding manner. Pray he goes on despite his tremendously busy schedules.

But what's the point??

That people, however grown-up or tough, don't leave their fantasies behind. That their desire to capture the sweet nothings into words doesn't fade away with time. That one can be a Man/Woman without losing the carefree instinct.

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Just yesterday, my friends Ayan and Gautam pointed it to me. Why don't I write fantasy creative stuff anymore? "Because I've grown up. Time has matured me." However, the question haunted me when I sat down to write my daily journal at night. How big have I become? How mature have I grown? How frigid has time rendered me?

This afternoon, I took out a long book which was deeply buried under the stack of my big, fat books. At one time, I used this book as a journal where I used to record my creative writings, random muses and vague ideas. Way back in 2005. When I was a fresh graduate from school. I had just joined McDonald's that time and was on the verge of experiencing an altogether different life.

My life till the time I was in school never stretched beyond books and some single friend of mine. I had never hung around in a gaggle of "friends", hardly been to cinema, never even heard of Sarojini or any other shop spot or even interacted with boys. The sole sink for me to vent out my emotions was paper. And I regularly expressed my fear of facing the world, reservations against people, inhibition to move out of my shell in that register.

And then I grew up.

The things I learnt from McD, my failure at engineering entrances, the one-year stint at IP did a lot to me. I grew tougher so that I could resist any upheaval. I became practical so that I didn't take sh*t from anybody. I turned smarter so that I could chalk out the path for a beaming crackling future. And lost the "creativity" somewhere down the line.

Now what?

Cannot really say. I wish and I'll strive to get the urge to write fancy back. And Ayan could well be my role model!